From the If it's Thursday, it must be Los Angeles Dept.:

It takes a certain amount of stamina to be on-the-air live for over seven hours a day, two days in a row -- even for the Kings of All Cyberspace.

But that's just what we got ourselves into when we covered last month's Spring Internet World '97 in Los Angeles for a special program sponsored by SpryNet and broadcast live on AudioNet.

And not only did we broadcast the year's biggest convention dedicated to all-things-Internet to desktop computers around the globe, but we also shattered all of AudioNet's previous records -- with nearly 4,000 people tuning in over the Web.

But while you might assume that this feat was a piece of cake for the Shock Jocks of the Info Age, take it from us: To keep the show going for over 14 hours, you've got to have a plan.

Maybe next time, we'll have one.

Theatre of the mind is a terrible thing to waste.

Our primary objective was to bring the true experience of Internet World to our listeners. We wanted them to feel the electricity in the air (or was that just the IBM booth short-circuiting again?). Hear the sounds. Embrace the chotchkas. To do that, we knew we'd have to capture the essence of a very large trade show . . . . And that meant producing segments that made the event come to life.

Here's what we came up with:

• Candid Mike & Pat: In this segment, we recorded people without them knowing it -- illustrating the fun and foibles of breaking the law.

  First, Pat tried to talk his way past the security guard who makes sure people have the right badges to get into the show. Sure, the sound of the night stick striking Pat's forehead caused a little feedback in our sound system. But we'll do anything for a laugh.

• Lifestyles of The Show Floor Schleppers: No trade show would be complete without Schleppers -- you know, the folks who roam the floor picking up chotchkas at every booth.

  Schleppers (Yiddish for shameless scavengers) have a bad reputation for their vulture-like tendency to snatch up even the most useless trade booth offerings: At one point, we saw a Schlepper carrying away Bill Gates.

  But it's really not a bad thing to be a schlepper. In fact, everyone at some point in his life has been one. So we roamed around asking people what items they picked up and why. And we're proud to say we didn't mistreat any of them--regardless of race, creed, color, or how pathetic they looked.

• The Cameo Club: This segment featured great cameo appearances from two formidable show biz legends: Rodney Dangerfield (Back To School) and Max Gail ("Wojo" from TV's Barney Miller). Dangerfield couldn't get any respect, and Gail couldn't get an agent.

• Battle of the Product Pitchmen: The only way to really feel like you're at a trade show is to be forced to listen to a product pitch. So we invited over 40 salespeople to come on-the-air and pitch whatever product they were pushing at the trade show.

  Most of them were really good, but this one guy completely froze up -- live on World Wide Web Radio. To cover, Mike said something like, "Isn't it clever the way he's pretending not to remember what he was going to say so that we'd feel sympathetic toward him." So much for Marc Andreessen's day away from the office.

• IWorld After Dark: For two nights in a row, we crawled through the hospitality suites and invitation-only, all-you-can-eat-and-drink parties. It was really rough, but somebody had to do it.

• Trade Show Twister: This one didn't make it on the air, but it was a truly memorable event: Four not-so-randomly-selected show attendees faced off against each other in everyone's favorite kids' game -- Twister.

  We're proud to announce that, in the end, Mike out-twisted all three lovely women.

And rest assured: If July finds you too far (or too busy) for Summer Internet World in Chicago, we'll be there for gavel to gavel coverage. We may even feature a new event: Bobbing for Frank Gill's Paycheck. So be there. Or we'll sic the Schleppers on you.

To hear Pat & Mike's coverage of Internet World, click here. You can also hear their weekly radio show, broadcast every Saturday, featuring The Last Word by our very own E Business editor.

Make sure you're tuning in!